Handstands and Old Bands
by ShadowSong StarGlaive The Wolf
Summary: Oneshot It's just another day at the mansion, with confused girlfriends, handstands, heavy metal and some crossdressing.


A/N Wow, it's been…. A long time since I've written a fic! Aiiiie! Okay, random idea…. I love one-shots, by the way. : )

Disclaimer: Dunno who stole the disclaimer, but it must've been the gnome. Either that or the fairy got parole.

(Lookie at My Hands!)

"Has anyone seen my Disney Princess gown?" asked Captain Falcon, peering into random rooms down the hall in the Smasher Mansion. "I gotta practice my dancing."

"You have a Disney Princess gown?" asked Link curiously, opening his door. "Which one?"

"Well, I actually have three, but I accidentally ripped Belle's dress and the Pocahontas one was dyed pink when I washed it with my boxers," replied Captain Falcon, who opened Marth's door and peeked in. "Whoa! I did not see that! I did NOT see that!"

"Excuse me if a pedicure is one of my more simpler pleasures in life!" yelled Marth, who threw his sword case at the door to shut it.

"I need therapy," muttered Captain Falcon, and then opened another door, "Hey, have you seen my Cinderella dress? I need to for my ballroom dancing less- HOLY COW!"

Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff were all peacefully sitting on their heads, hands/paws on the floor, and listening to heavy metal music. All three had turned a deep magenta color but seemed to suffer no other ill effects.

"Did someone spike the milk or something?" blinked Captain Falcon. "Uh, kiddies, I think… well, maybe I'm not the best person to offer sanity advice. I'll leave that to someone more sound. Like Young Link." He stumbled off.

"What's going on in here?" asked Samus, walking in. "All I'm trying to do it clean my gun and-" She paused as the dulcet tones of Breaking Benjamin clashed around her. "Whoa, talk about a throwback of my younger years. And I thought the music at the concerts when I was young was loud."

"They had concerts on other planets?" piped up Nana, who had been walking down the hall with Popo. He looked slightly harried and was carrying what looked to be fresh shopping bags from the local mall. "What kinds?"

"Oh, there was the Asteroid Hunters, Moon Waxes Nightly, Cannonball Stardust…" she slumped against the wall. "I sure miss those bands…."

"Ugh, I can taste the nostalgia," groaned Popo, who was starting to collapse from all the weight. "Nana…"

"If you can climb a mountain then this should not be a problem for you," sternly said Nana. "Now drop these off and we'll try and hit Hollister and Limited Too. Just try and keep up this time, will you?"

"Amnesty International?" moaned Popo. "I have a girl with a classic case of shoppingitis. Stop her before she strikes the mall again!"

"Stop whining," snapped Nana, and whapped him on the head with her mallet. He meekly bowed under her superior, wooden authority. Humbly, he followed her to her room to drop off the various articles of clothing.

"If there ever was boyfriend abuse…" murmured Samus, clicking her tongue. "Hm… I wonder if the Black Hole Misfits are still going strong. I think I'll check eBay." She wandered off to her room, narrowly avoiding a Young Link who zoomed by on a skateboard, with Ness on a moped behind him.

"Throw it into the wall!" cried Ness, tossing Young Link a small, purple stuffed squid. "Before he-"

"WHO TOOK MR. KERSNUFFINS!?!?!?!?" bellowed an angry voice, and Ganondorf stormed out from around the corner, murder in his eyes. "YOU! How dare you- I-"

"Man, think of the blackmail we're going to get out of this!" crowed Young Link, tying Mr. Kersnuffins to his boomerang and hurling it at Ganondorf, who attempted to catch his beloved sleep buddy.

However, a pink tongue shot out of nowhere and snagged the passing toy, and Yoshi stood shock still, swallowing the stuffed squid whole.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" roared Ganondorf. "The wrath of the Gerudos be upon you!" With that, he powered up a punch and dove with stunning style at Yoshi, who squeaked and sped down the hall quickly, dodging Mewtwo, who was walking on his lavender cell phone.

"Marla? You'll have to excuse me, the reception here is muddled at best…" Putting a psychic shield around the phone, he growled, "Can't you clods be silent for a few minutes? Do you know how hard it is for me to get a date without having to make up an excuse for all the noise?"

"What, you found a female Mewtwo or something?" asked Young Link, casually picking dirt off of his sword, the threat of Ganondorf now gone. "Or have you told her that you're human?"

Refusing to answer, he instead threw Young Link to the wall using his powers. Slamming through the wall and hitting poor Pichu, sending the yellow mouse flying against the wall with a surprised squeal. The blood drained back into Pichu's face, giving the Pokemon a rather strange shade of orange for his complexion. He resembled a pale pumpkin with black stripes, and the shocked expression would fit any Halloween decoration.

Young Link smirked and whipped out anther boomerang (the original had been swallowed by Yoshi), hurling it towards the phone, which was caught in the scoop of the weapon and was brought back to the boy, who yelled into the phone, "We're at 8822 Gamebox Lane, Smasher Mansion, Nevada. Thank you!" He shut off the phone and threw it back to the stunned pyschic. "Better get a tie on, girls have a hard time dumping formally dressed guys." With that, he high-fived Ness and zoomed off, cackling evilly.

Well, not quite. They had just turned a corner when Pichu, from apparent overload of blood rushing to her head, sent off an enormous electric charge that blew up the hallway and sent all the Smashers there flying.

"With all the explosions here, I'm really not surprised that we get calls from the National Guard wondering if we have a nuclear program going on," commented the Master Hand, playing chess with his girlfriend, Manicure, in his (underground) room. "Check."

"Honestly, have you tried putting sleeping pills in their food?" suggested Manicure. "I mean, the Bratz fall right asleep when I slip some Dramamine in there. Thank fashion that Jade is allergic to nature or I'd get arrested for buying out all of Wal-Mart's allergy medicine." She moved a piece and escaped the check.

"It robs them of their personalities, you say?" mused the Master Hand.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN COMET APOCOLYPSE BROKE UP?" screamed Samus from her room. "I SWEAR, IF I HAVE TO-"

"So you're saying Dr. Mario has my Cinderella dress?" yelled Captain Falcon. "I don't care if he's taken up cross-dressing, you go in there and tell him-"

"MR. KERSNUFFINS! NOOOOOO!" wailed Ganondorf. "Bowser! DK! ATTACK!" Several anxious squeals from Yoshi penetrated the floor and shook the underground "bomb shelter", as it was often referred to as.

"That wouldn't be so much of a sacrifice," said the Master Hand.

"Dearie, when they all move out to college or go to rehab it'll be better," soothed Manicure.

(Somewhere else, far away in a National Guard Base…

"Sir?"

"Yes, Simmons?"

"There seems to be a strange nuclear radiation blast coming from a mansion in this part of the country. Right there, sir."

"Simmons, that's a SS-01. We don't bother checking with them anymore."

(End story)

A/N No plot. No deep characterization. Just a bunch of crazy incidents and some Master Hand torture.

Gosh I love this stuff.


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